shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
