There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
