I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I want a musical about memes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
