Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
