its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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