I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
