There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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