Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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