Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
