I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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