jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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