When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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