I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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