Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
