She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
