you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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