I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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