Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
