I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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