Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
