dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
