No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
