I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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