He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
