I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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