I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
