I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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