Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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