I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
