I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The air was thick with penises
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
