cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
