he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING