The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar