I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.