dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.