God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
