I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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