They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
