A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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