so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
