His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My penis needs a shock collar
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
