I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
