Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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