first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
