I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
