She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just blew my weed a kiss
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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