Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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