dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
