i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
