I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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