After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
