My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
