This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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