The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
