My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
