Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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